Life is full of conflict. People have different viewpoints, opinions, approaches, ideas, strategies, and tastes. None of them are good or bad, just different.
Many people attach a negative meaning to conflict, but conflict itself is not inherently bad; it pertains to difference, and difference can lead to very positive outcomes.
Think about some of our best innovations: air conditioning, AI or the formation of charities; they have all been borne from problems to which conflict is central, eg., differences over temperature preferences, not having enough time to complete tasks, not having the money to finance projects.
Why Should We View Conflict as a Positive Opportunity?
By seeing conflict as a positive opportunity, we can:
- expand our thinking,
- widen our experience,
- work more effectively with others,
- get better outcomes.
What is the Key to Managing Conflict?
The key is listening to and actively acknowledging the other party’s perspective. You don’t have to agree with the other party’s perspective, rationale or approach; you just need to acknowledge it.
Doing this will not make the conflict magically disappear, but it will pave the way towards a solution, compromise or next step. It will help break down barriers because the other person feels heard and validated, and therefore they will be more cooperative as a result.
Managing conflict is complex and involves many other skills such as solution-based thinking, flexibility, objectivity, creativity and influencing skills. Being able to appreciate and respect other people’s thinking and decisions is a good first step and will often be the key to opening the door to new and better options.
Learn more about the key skills involved in conflict resolution through these articles:
Let’s look at some examples:
The Dead-End Conflict
- Chara: I think this approach will keep us on budget, and it’s easy to implement
- Ben: Yes, but it won’t permanently fix the problem, so there’s no point
- Chara: Of course, there’s a point; at least it will give us an interim fix
- Ben: But why invest all the time and effort if we then have to change the plan later?
- Chara: Look, it’s better than nothing, and you don’t have an alternative…
This interaction is going nowhere, with neither party wanting to concede or understand the other’s perspective.
A better way to approach the conflict would be for Ben and Chara to stop battling, acknowledge each other’s viewpoints, ask questions, and listen.
Instead, the conversation might go something like this:
The Fix: Collaborative Conflict
- Chara: I think this approach will keep us on budget, and it’s easy to implement
- Ben: I can see it does have some advantages. What do you think might get in the way of its success?
- Ben: But why invest all the time and effort if we then have to change the plan later?
- Chara: You think we’d be wasting our time in the long term. How else do you think we can address the issue?
The Result: Conflict Resolution
In reality, the other person may not demonstrate good conflict resolution skills themselves or enlighten you as to their thinking, even with the most effective questioning.
There are numerous tactics that you can adopt to get people to see things your way, but the first step, if possible, is gaining an understanding of their interests and perspective – and communicating that to them.
Try this tactic next time you’re frustrated with someone else’s approach, can’t understand a decision or are arguing with your teenager. It will make a huge difference.
Need to improve your team’s conflict resolution skills? Contact Jill at 1300 850 959 for professional conflict management training and workshops.
For a Practical Guide to Conflict Resolution in the Workplace. Buy Jill McCrum’s book today!
